i don't know where else to go with this. i've always said that things never felt better until i wrote them out. i'm praying that this helps me. i'm so broken. i let him break me. i let him do this to me.

i know in my heart that i am better off alone than i was with him. i know that i wasn't happy all of the time. i know in my head how i felt. the nights of feeling so unloved. like a burden.

i excused it for too long. when i finally had enough i walked away. i left in tears. and i left him in tears. and as soon as i did it, i wanted to take it back. it took me a couple of weeks to realize this was actually best. but seeing him so often made it difficult to stay away. we fell back into our comfortableness all over.

before i knew it, it was like we were together again. then he told me he was seeing someone else. out of nowhere. i felt like i had been sucker punched. i felt all my air be taken away from me. i felt my security with him being taken away. i had been so sure of where i stood with him. but i had no idea.

this weekend was so difficult. the things he did to me with her on friday. i wouldn't wish on anyone. he spent his entire time making sure i was ok. that doesn't count for much since he made the situation what it was. i should have just been done then. i should have walked away for forever. but i didn't.

i sat and talked to him for hours this week. trying to make myself feel better. in the end making myself worse.

you got to me in a way i haven't let anyone in a long time. you told me it was ok. that you wouldn't do this. things wouldn't be like this. i miss you. and i do love you. and i'm doing my damndest to let go.